Gunman Thought Coworkers Would Be Back
“Rushing into the offices of Bird & Webb Publishing and aiming his semiautomatic rifle at a swath of empty cubicles, disgruntled office manager Harrold Schoepke was surprised Monday to find that his coworkers had not yet returned from their lunch break. “Huh, I wonder where everyone is,” said the emotionally disturbed publishing professional, bringing the high-powered assault weapon down from eye-level and slowly snapping the safety back on. “Definitely thought they’d be back from that sandwich place by now. “I mean, lunch was more than an hour ago,” Schoepke added as he scanned a floor plan posted near the elevator for any and all available exit routes. “It’s not like I don’t have things I need to be doing.” Schoepke, who has grown increasingly enraged over a series of perceived injustices, indignities, and personal slights in the workplace, claimed that he had planned to begin Monday’s office shooting at precisely 2 p.m. However, by 2:15 p.m., not a single one of the roughly two dozen or so employees he had planned to gun down had returned from lunch.” w/ photos
