Wacky News ↓

Woman Tries To Steal Puppy At Gunpoint

“A Kellyville woman who placed a for-sale ad for a Chihuahua received an unexpected response from a would-be purchaser, who allegedly pulled a gun and demanded the dog, saying she needed love. The Kings Cross woman, 26, contacted dog owner Ashleigh Johnson, 24, at 9am yesterday in response to an advertisement in the Trading Post. The woman made an appointment to buy the eight-week-old puppy, the last of a litter of four, and arrived at the house in Perkins Avenue, Kellyville, in Sydney’s north-west, at 11.30am. A man waited outside in a car with an obscured number plate… She said the woman started crying and became apologetic and remorseful, explaining she was dying of cancer and “needed love and had to have this dog”, but had no money.” w/ photos + videos

Fish To Choose Who Wins House

“A Lancashire businessman is letting his pet fish choose who will become the new owners of his $675,000 house. Dave Mackie, 49, is running an online Sudoku competition in which his luxury home will be given away as a prize, reports the Daily Telegraph. He has already received thousands of entries around the world, but will let his koi pick the winner from the correct entries. The insurance broker and puzzle fan plans to install a touch sensitive pad in the pond and when the fish touch it one of the 14,000 entries will be selected.” w/ photo

Genital Lengthening Gone Wrong

“A California man who tried an at-home attempt at lengthening his penis almost lost it instead. According to a CNN report, the Costa Mesa man used a dumbbell gym weight and got stuck for three days. The fire department was called to the emergency room and the only way to get the weight off the man’s penis was to saw it off. It took about two hours, but crews were able to keep the man’s organ intact.” w/ photo

Prisoners Drunk On Hand Gel

“Alcohol hand gel meant to combat swine flu has been banned from a prison after inmates became embroiled in a drunken brawl after drinking it. The detergent was meant to beat off the threat of swine flu in the Verne Prison on Portland, Dorset, reports the Daily Telegraph. However, instead of rubbing it into their hands, inmates at the category C prison have been placing their mouths over the dispensers and consuming it. Prison officers had expressed their concerns at suddenly having to deal with a number of drunken convicts before the brawl erupted. It is thought one prisoner became aggressive after downing the gel and started a fist fight with another inmate. Now the governor of the Verne has removed all of the dispensers from the prison.” w/ photo

Man Fined For Simulated Sex With Parking Meter

“A drunk footballer’s loudly simulated sex with a parking meter has been recounted in Cairns Magistrates’ Court. He then made racial slur against a passerby – the final straw for police. Adam Michael Kelly, 25, of Smithfield, spent the night in the watch-house after his offensive performance and was fined $150 in court yesterday for causing a public nuisance. Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: “Yeah baby, you know you want it.” Police prosecutor Sen-Constable Michelle Long said Kelly was making large pelvic thrust actions and officers saw people walking by reacting with disgust at the performance.” w/ photo

Kangaroo Crashes Through Office Window

“An Australian woman had to be rescued from her office after a ‘frantic’ kangaroo crashed through the window and leapt around the room, knocking over furniture. Suzanne Habib, a psychologist, jumped screaming on to her desk in the Queensland town of Atherton as the 5ft tall kangaroo burst through the window behind her with a big bang. “Poor old Suzanne just screamed and went straight up in the air,” her colleague Tony Baddock told the Australian Associated Press. “The ‘roo was bounding around all over the place, it really was quite frantic… Kangaroos are shy and retiring by nature, and rarely venture into human dwellings. However they have become bolder during the recent drought and have started to come closer to towns in search of water.” w/ photo

Woman Seeks 23rd Husband

“A 107-year-old Malaysian woman says she is ready to marry for the 23rd time because she fears her current drug addict husband might leave her for a younger woman. Wook Kundor made headlines four years ago when she married Muhammad Noor Che Musa, a man 70 years her junior in northern Terengganu state, with pictures of the couple’s wedding splashed across regional newspapers. But Ms Wook is now looking for new love as she fears that Mr Muhammad, 37, who is undergoing voluntary drug rehabilitation treatment in the capital Kuala Lumpur, will leave her once the programme ends, she told the Star newspaper.” w/ photos

Real-Life Garfield

“Humphrey is a real-life Garfield, who will only eat lasagne. The picky cat’s love affair with the pasta dish began after sneaking a bite of his owner’s leftovers. ‘For a week he wouldn’t eat anything I gave him. But a few days later I cooked some more lasagne and he came running,’ said 30-year-old Sophia Atrill, from north London. She has now entered the stubborn seven-year-old for the Boomerang TV Pet Personality Awards.” w/ photos

World’s Ugliest Mugshot

“And to think that Americans take the mickey out of British standards of dentistry… Meet Alan Dale Lee, the man with possibly the ugliest mugshot in the long history of bad mugshots. The 43-year-old was arrested in Dade City, Florida, accused of aggravated assault – it’s alleged that he stabbed another man in the stomach with a knife. Lee was given the nickname ‘Dracula’ by the cops who arrested him, who couldn’t believe how deeply wrong his mouth was.” w/ photo

Environmentally Green Sex Toy

“Environmentally conscious women are getting a buzz out of a new hand-cranked vibrator that makers say could help save the planet. The eco-sex toy – dubbed the Earth Angel – uses a small wind-up handle to power up rechargeable batteries inside the casing. It had originally been planned as a sex aid for the Third World where batteries and electricity supplies are unreliable.” w/ photo