Wacky News ↓

Fast Food In The Nude

“The late night reveler stripped bare before putting in his order at the Darwin City 24-Hour Eatery on Smith St early on Monday. A witness said the naked man walked into the shop to order two buckets of chips with gravy. And the female attendant was reportedly only too happy to serve the nude customer.” w/ photo

Young Lovers Make Love On Giant Wheel

“Whatever the trigger, one couple obviously found the view from Melbourne’s Southern Star sightseeing ride not nearly so tantalising as the sights on offer inside their glass capsule. After a cursory glance at the city’s expanding skyline, the couple embraced passionately before moving their 120-metre-high public display of affection to the carriage’s wooden bench. Unaware that Sunday Age photographer Ken Irwin — and no doubt other patrons on the slowly revolving giant wheel — had spied them, the pair gave the bench, and each other, a full workout.” w/ photo

Man Dreams Of Creating Flying Machine

“The Macomb County moon man stood next to his forlorn flying saucer, which sat perched on milk crates in a weedy patch along Interstate 94. He railed against corporate conspirators and misinformed scientists. According to the moon man, a nefarious cabal has blocked him from laying his hands on the necessary money to complete his perpetual flying machine — a machine he says, that could reach Mars in a mere two weeks. “Bankers promise calls they never return,” said Alfie Carrington, who when not working in his laboratory makes ends meet as a part-time construction worker. “The governor’s office told my mother no. And these so called scientific experts who have never seen it, say it won’t work.” And so the earthbound saucer sits north of 14 Mile, smothered in a blanket of bird-dung and snow.” w/ photos + video

Woman Bites Dog As A Ritual

“It may seem bizarre, but for Kathy Partak, nibbling her cocker spaniel Riley is a daily ritual. “Every morning I give him a little love bite,” she said. “It’s our ‘good morning.” It started the first day she brought Riley home as a puppy six years ago. Now, if she forgets to chomp, he gets upset. “He’ll kind of follow me around, he’ll scratch, ‘Hey, are we okay?’” Kathy laughs. When Kathy’s gone, her husband Dave is left to do the dirty work. The devoted owner insists Riley is perfectly clean, and not a bit bothered by the biting.” w/ photo + news video

Man Breaks Into Store To Have Sex With Dolls

“A man has smashed his way into an adult shop and had sex with blow-up dolls before abandoning the sex toys in a nearby lane. Business owners in Cairns believe the same culprit is responsible for break-ins and till thefts at the Sapphire Bar on Lake St and three break-ins at the Laneway Adult Shop off Spence St in recent days. His method of entry is to smash through walls and squeeze through tight holes.” w/ photo

Man Sentenced For Getting Dog Drunk

“Bronx, a five-year-old bull mastiff, had an injury to his head and was staggering around in a confused state when he was rescued by the RSPCA. Vets said the amount of alcohol in his system was at a dangerous level and it was only his strength that enabled him to survive. Andrew Wilson, 30, of Ringwood Crescent, Southmead, Bristol, admitted beating Bronx and giving him two-thirds of a can of Stella Artois. He was sentenced to 150 hours of community service at Bristol Magistrates’ Court yesterday and banned from keeping warm blooded animals for one year.” w/ photo

Drug-Runner Filmed Masturbating At 150km/h

“A man who used his dead mother’s inheritance to buy 5kg of cannabis in Adelaide and then filmed himself masturbating while driving at 150km/h has been jailed.” w/ photo

Mother Tries Out For HS Cheerleading Squad

“High school is often a complicated chapter of people’s lives. As adults, some wonder what it’d be like to go back. As The Early Show correspondent Michele Gielan reports, one 33-year-old Wisconsin woman went so far as to steal her daughter’s identity to do just that. The cheerleading squad at Ashwaubenon High near Green Bay, Wis. Wendy Brown wanted to be part of it all. But at 33, she needed help. So police say she stole her 15-year-old daughter’s identity. Brown tried out for cheerleading during the summer and attended one day of classes – but then, never returned. That raised a red flag and launched an investigation. Soon, truant officers found Wendy — sitting in the county jail.” w/ video

Thousands Of Shoes Litter Expressway

“Thousands of work boots, bath slippers, tennis sneakers and beach sandals — even roller blades, all inexplicably materialized, strewn upon the southbound lanes, disrupting traffic for hours. A mountain of those thousands of used shoes is now somewhere in northern Miami-Dade County, and Florida Highway Patrol officials are distributing them to local and national nonprofits that promise to give them to the poor.” w/ photos + video link

Blanket Man Must Wear Underwear

“As a condition of bail, it is certainly an odd one. Ben Hana, well known around Wellington as Blanket Man, was freed from prison in time to enjoy New Year celebrations, on the proviso that he wear underwear. Hours after his successful bail application in Wellington District Court yesterday, the homeless man was sunning himself in Tory St in a new pair of undies.” w/ photo